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I HATE drawing by Ceresta I HATE drawing by Ceresta
Oh yes, I do!

I hate it so much. So much I can't stop doing it.

I tried to stop drawing for once and for all so many times already. But regardless of how often and how long I managed to lay down all pencils and brushes, it always came back to me sooner or later.
I don't draw because it's my passion. I can't even remember when drawing was purely fun for me the last time. There's this horrible urge inside me that just makes me do it!

I feel bad if I don't draw and I feel bad if I do draw. It really makes me insane sometimes! But I simply can't stop it. It's like a love-hate-relationship between me and my drawings...Am I weird? :dead:

Anyway, I tried to depict this inner conflict with this drawing. 
The fingers in form of pencils are totally worn out. They crumble, they break, it's so painful to keep drawing! But it doesn't matter, my hand still won't stop...
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Daily Deviation

Given 2015-01-17
I HATE drawing by Ceresta is an extraordinary depiction of a strongly defined concept, well thought and thought provoking. ( Suggested by EvaGataArtist and Featured by STelari )
:iconselfimplodingdreamer:
The amount of emotion that you seemed to put into this piece is incredible, I absolutely love how you have been able to take something that is already hard enough to recreate and make it even more uniquely fantastic and creative. The originality is awesome, and the colors you used are just perfectly selected. If there was one thing bad I could say about this work I would, fact is..To me this is stunning and perfectly placed together. Honestly, this is one of those pieces that can speak to someone in many ways, and it is one of those pieces that I think a lot of Artists wish they thought of. GREAT STUFF HERE!!!
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
72 out of 72 deviants thought this was fair.

:iconemcorpus:
Just a few words in introduction, as I want to make this distinction clear. What I am writing here for you is not a criticism, but a critique, written with full respect from one artist to a fellow artist. As I have stated elsewhere, I think you are a fabulous artist, and I agree with what others have said that you deserve to be recognized.

First, although this piece is not my personal favorite of what I've seen of your work, I can see that you strive to be meticulous in your technique, consistent in your shading and shadows. The lower two-thirds of the hand before it transitions to the surreal pencil fingers indicates that you pay attention to anatomy and observation.

In reading the comments made on other compositions of yours, including this one, one thing that people notice immediately is the emotion and passion that your art expresses. In my opinion that is one of the strongest qualities of your art in general.

I would respectfully disagree with your self-assessment that you “hate drawing”. Here are my reasons: Much of your art, this one definitely included, expresses intense personal pain. You have stated in other locations some of the circumstances that cause your pain, which are considerable.

I believe that you hate your pain, and justifiably so. But your drawing is a means of expression. And because your pain is great, and your art is a major – if not THE major – outlet for the expression of your pain, you are associating your drawing with your pain.

If I might make an analogy, with the understanding that analogies only go so far: if I get hurt badly, mentally or physically, maybe I will cry. If I get hurt many times, maybe I will cry many times. I might also cry with joy, cry with sympathy for others or other situations sad or otherwise. But my tears are a way of expressing my emotion over situations and feelings, such as experiencing hurt, grieving loss, and so forth. So, I might say that I hate those situations and circumstances that hurt me and that cause me to express myself through tears. But I don’t hate my ability to cry. In fact it would be so much worse if I could not. (Believe me, in this society and culture, men have traditionally been taught not to cry -- and that culture f*cks us up big time.) Am I making any sense at all? As I said, analogies only go so far.

Your drawing and making art is a major tool of your self-expression.

In my life, I have experienced many bad things happening over many years. But through good times and bad, I always had my art. Art and the making of art helped pull me through. My opinion is that the same seems to be similar for you, though you were obviously going through a real rough patch when you made this drawing, maybe still are.

When you do a beautiful painting like “Fairy Slumber”, or when you make a piece of art for someone, either as a labor of love and friendship, or a collaboration, you don’t hate your drawing then, do you? I may be wrong, but I doubt it.

So, you will experience pain, and feel bad, maybe hate it. You will find ways to deal with it, or not. But you can’t stop making art -- because it's a vital part of you. You don’t hate your drawing. Whether you feel joy or sorrow, you express it through your art. It's your toolbox, your voice and your soul.

Of course, this is simply my opinion, and you are well within your rights to reject it. I would ask that you consider if I may be telling the truth, though. Please never stop drawing and making art.

(I warned you that I can get wordy.)

-- Ed
What do you think?
The Artist thought this was FAIR
47 out of 47 deviants thought this was fair.

The Artist has requested Critique on this Artwork

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:iconriphy:
Riphy Featured By Owner Dec 26, 2016  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Goodness, it's how i feel exactly about art, thought i was the only one cuz while everyone else seems to enjoy the challenge i just wouldn't care about drawin  but then again i can stay away from it, lol. Very nice, creative piece btw! ^^
Reply
:iconchesya:
chesya Featured By Owner Edited Aug 15, 2016
I can feel the hold it has over you, especially when it starts channeling material from parts of you that are unfamiliar to you and it seems to take on a life of its own. It is also boring and frustrating, yet more than any other medium - precisely because we can pluck ideas from the sky or scoop them from the pavement so easily - it gives us a window on the sublime.
Reply
:iconplzgaiasrebirth:
plzgaiasrebirth Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2016
yeah my hand usually look like that when i try to draw XD
Reply
:iconirin:
Irin Featured By Owner Aug 4, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
So you are addicted to drawing. You must have allowed some destructive thoughts some time ago and let them grow. Am I right?

I regained the joy of creating only months ago. I needed to tell myself that the outcome and ideas (or lack of ideas) don't matter as long as I treat sheer act of painting as an adventure or relax method. It worked. I still don't like my pics and I hate my dull ideas but it no longer matters.
Reply
:iconceresta:
Ceresta Featured By Owner Aug 5, 2016  Student
Yes, you're right!
I made this drawing two years ago and this phase is pretty much over. I do enjoy drawing very much right now and it's exactly like you said, it's an adventure and the process you should enjoy instead of only judging the outcome. I needed quite some time to understand this but I'm glad I'm over it now. Thanks a lot for your comment! :)
Reply
:iconirin:
Irin Featured By Owner Aug 6, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
My bad! I usually look at the date but this time I assumed that deviantart fanpage features only recent works, I don't know why :)
I am glad that you worked through that phase with a positive outcome, instead of giving up on drawing entirely. It always breaks my heart, even if I don't know the artist completely.

By the way I think I found your dA account on two separate occasions :D Not only you were featured on dA fanpage, I see you are the author of Saint Seiya painting! Hyoga was my first big crush.

übrigens... Ich habe Deutsch für zehn Jahren studiert. Aber ich habe die Majorität vergessen, weil ich kein Kontakt habe. :cry:

...sorry, it must have been cringy for you :D
Reply
:iconkryativelotus:
KryativeLotus Featured By Owner Jul 30, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
Such a strong, intense piece you have created. I can truly feel your anger and conflict through this! Amazingly well done! I really hope you and your drawings can come to a compromise soon enough, maybe you can try weening off of it? Perhaps draw once a week then two and so on? Maybe you've already tried that, but I wish you the best of luck!
Reply
:iconceresta:
Ceresta Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2016  Student
Thank you very much!
I did this drawing two years ago and things have changed a lot since then. I'm an illustration student since March and I really started to enjoy art much more since I started my studies at uni. I think it really helps to have a supportive environment (which I didn't have at all before) and just to do a lot of stuff, try out as much as possible and simply create on a regular and daily basis. It just feels 'right' now and that makes me very happy. Well, my depression also did have a huge infleunce on my drawings back then for sure (I'm over it by now!).
But thanks a lot for your advice and kind words! :)
Reply
:iconkryativelotus:
KryativeLotus Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
I am so happy for you! You have so much talent and I'm so glad that dA helped you back on your feet! Please keep creating magnificent pieces!
Reply
:iconceresta:
Ceresta Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2016  Student
Thank you so much for your kind support and the watch, that makes me really happy. :hug:
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:iconkryativelotus:
KryativeLotus Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm glad! I feel so bad that I hadn't watched you before! :heart: :hug:
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:iconkalouriis:
kalouriis Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2016
This may be an old piece, but I find inspiration and admire you for drawing this in the first place. I can understand this on so many levels, a thing that we can't get out of habit. Almost like an addiction. 
The piece shows a side of artists that is rarely seen at times and the way you've portrayed it in such a surreal way just dazzles me!

From first glance it had already tugged at my heart strings.

And I can see why! Thank you for making this.
Reply
:iconceresta:
Ceresta Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2016  Student
Thank you so much! :heart:
I'm very glad if my feelings could reach you.
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:iconthecelesticwarrior:
There are some things that you just simply can't break away from no matter how hard you try, and this shows that perfectly and quite cleverly as well! Kind of reminds me of myself with making videos. Used to be fun but I got sick of it because nothing I did was good. But I feel I have to... except I stop halfway through one but the urge comes back to make a new one and it's annoying.

I find this pretty easy to relate to, basically.
Reply
:iconceresta:
Ceresta Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2016  Student
Thank you very much!
I also can relate to your story pretty easily, this sounds quite similar to my experience with drawing.
Actually I have to say that it's really getting better by now. I made this drawing two years ago (and I'm still wondering why so many people still react to this) and I went through a lot since then. I really wish you that you'll be able to have more fun in doing the thing you love the most again!
Reply
:iconthecelesticwarrior:
TheCelesticWarrior Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2016
Not a problem.
The reason people still react to it is because it made it into the What's Hot section and the story behind it is very relatable for many artists, no doubt.
And to be honest, making videos was fun at first but nowadays I don't really want to do it. It was never something I loved the most. I'd say drawing is after taking its place.
Well, playing video games as well, which is something that making videos got in the way of since they were about video games. The time I spent trying to make the videos was time I could have spent having fun playing video games... or drawing. XD
Drawing is fun but everything will get to a point where you don't know why you do it. I'm glad to hear your situation has improved. Good on you!
Reply
:iconceresta:
Ceresta Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2016  Student
By the way (I hope you don't mind me asking), what exactly is the 'What's hot' section anyway? I totally didn't take any interest in this section until now, is this something similar to the daily deviations on a weekly basis or something like that...?
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:iconthecelesticwarrior:
TheCelesticWarrior Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2016
It's basically the section that shows the most popular deviations and it can either take a day or so to change, or it could show some different results within a matter of minutes depending on what's popular.
Reply
:iconceresta:
Ceresta Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2016  Student
Ah, thanks for explaining!
Still not really sure how this old drawing ended up there... Never mind, I guess I should just be happy about this, uh, unexpected attention.
I was also really interested in Marital Arts when I was younger! So many interesting things one could do... just try out as much as you can! ;)
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:iconthecelesticwarrior:
TheCelesticWarrior Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2016
Yeah. Well, HEMA involves the study of medieval combat techniques. European swords, polearms and all that stuff. At first I was a casual fan but I suddenly really wanted to get into it and it turns out there are ways you can train yourself so that served as a huge confidence boost and left me with no reason not to try it.
But let's not make this about me! 
I'd say someone dug it up, linked it to a friend and that probably caused a chain reaction of sorts. I'd say it deserves all the favourites it gets.
Reply
:iconceresta:
Ceresta Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2016  Student
Thank you, I really appreciate your kind words.
Good luck with all the things you want to do from now on! :hug:
Reply
(1 Reply)
:iconceresta:
Ceresta Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2016  Student
Ah, so that's why. I was really irritated where all these favorites came from so suddenly. This was much more extreme when the drawing made it into the daily deviations though, I already started to wonder what happened this time. :D
Seems like there are many things you enjoy, sounds tricky. I was always really focused on drawing, I couldn't think of much else even during the periods when I didn't draw at all. For some reason it feels extremely important to me and I couldn't give up on it even if I wanted to. Maybe you still have to figure out which of those things is the most important to you (or maybe it's somehing completely else you still didn't discover until now?). But maybe not everyone has and needs this kind of super important thing and some are happy with having several more or less important activities in their lives.
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:iconthecelesticwarrior:
TheCelesticWarrior Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2016
I perfectly agree with you.
Although I've also started taking an interest in Historical European Martial Arts as well so... that's another thing. XD
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:iconururuty:
Ururuty Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2016
so good
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:iconceresta:
Ceresta Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2016  Student
Thank you very much! :heart:
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:icons4ph1r3:
S4PH1R3 Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2016  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
I have no words. None at all.
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:iconceresta:
Ceresta Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2016  Student
I'll take this as a compliment, I guess?
Thanks a lot for the watch. :hug:
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:icons4ph1r3:
S4PH1R3 Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2016  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Thank you for the awesome artwork!
Reply
:icondaniel10alien:
daniel10alien Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2016
Looks like you have seven words already. Hee hee hee
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:icons4ph1r3:
S4PH1R3 Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2016  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:P Yeah. My fingers still work :D
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:iconvaren-ka:
Varen-Ka Featured By Owner Jul 25, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
I'm glad you've depicted this problem, it's so relatable! This paradox can hurt so badly, but even then, you can't stop drawing, no matter what. Yeah, I don't remember having fun, too; it have always been about progressing and moving forward, without any feeling other that growing frustration and this perfectionism thing. I hope we'll find our joy of drawing someday, it must be really handy thing! :D
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:iconceresta:
Ceresta Featured By Owner Jul 26, 2016  Student
I'm also glad I did this and shared it since I got so many messages from people suffering from the same problem. This really helped ME a lot!
I think I'm slowly getting over it by now. Drawing actually is quite fun again. Not always but it's getting better, a lot. I don't think that much about creating 'good stuff' anymore. It's all about the process and not so much about the results. It's great if they turn out nicely too! But I do find enjoyment in the experience itself again and that makes me quite happy. Sure, I'm still not totally motivated all the time and I surely am unsatisfied with my drawings from now and then but it's not even nearly as bad as before.
I really hope that you'll also be able to find your joy in drawing and creating art again, I'm sure you can! And thanks a lot for this great comment. :)
Reply
:iconvaren-ka:
Varen-Ka Featured By Owner Jul 29, 2016  Hobbyist General Artist
I see! Maybe it is just a matter of time, to feel this joy again. I hope I'll achieve as much as you someday; the fact that there are more people struggling with the same problem really motivates me to work not only on my art, but also on my feelings toward it. Thank you so much for this artwork! :)
Reply
:iconrobloxbuddie:
RobloxBuddie Featured By Owner Feb 21, 2016
ikr I hate it
Reply
:iconithilloth:
Ithilloth Featured By Owner Sep 15, 2015   General Artist
I wonder if that's not what we call perfectionism, at least in my case. Most times when I hate my art and making art, it's when I think it could be done better, but I'm not skilled enough. Even if it already looks good, I'm still thinking about what could be improved.
Anyway I do feel you, and it's not weird at all, moreover I think most artists can relate to this quite accurately. I hope you won't fight this most beautiful urge to create in spite of your conflict and keep on drawing, I love your artworks! :love:
Reply
:iconceresta:
Ceresta Featured By Owner Sep 16, 2015  Student
Thank you very much! :heart:
I guess peferctionism definitely is a part of this problem. It's really depressing that finished drawings never look like the picture I imagined in my head.
Maybe it's just the negative feelings and thoughts behind most of my recent drawing that make me feel bad when I try to express them through art. Or the people around me that only consider 'beautiful' art as 'good' art.
Whatever, I will definitely keep drawing since I can't stop anway, thank you for your encouraging words! :hug:
Reply
:iconjennytang2038:
JennyTang2038 Featured By Owner Jul 22, 2016  Student General Artist
Do indeed! I personally feel like your artwork is so emotional and very expressive, and in my opinion that's all that matters in art, as long as you are making others hear (or see, in this case XD) what you are trying to say. I get the "perfectionist view" from both others and myself too :(, but I guess just try to remember that you are not here to impress anyone and that no matter how bad you feel like you are, you are still better than the people who didn't even try in the first place. I don't know, just some thoughts... Anyways, keep doing whatcha doing and good luck! :la:
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:iconceresta:
Ceresta Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2016  Student
Thank you very much! :hug:
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:iconjennytang2038:
JennyTang2038 Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2016  Student General Artist
XD XD You are welcome! Can't believe you replied since the deviation was uploaded long ago. You seem like a super experienced artist, is it okay if I ask for some tips for improving my skill level? Some of my new deviations here on my page jennytang2038.deviantart.com >w<.
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:iconceresta:
Ceresta Featured By Owner Edited Jul 31, 2016  Student
Well, I wouldn't say that I'm 'super experienced' (just started studying at art school this semester), but I could try to give you some tips if you want to. :)
I did take a look through your gallery and I think you already have some really nice stuff there! I like the Renoir painting you copied and the drawing of Einstein since you tried to use colours a little more freely in those two. Personally I'm not that much of a fan of copied photos, so I'm probably the wrong person to give any useful tips regarding this kind of drawing... 'Red umbrella' is definitely my favorite. The composition is great and I love the contrast between the bright red and the grey city.

In general I would recommend to draw from real objects or persons instead of taking photos as reference. I won't say that it's bad but it's definitely better to look at things in 3D, this really helps to improve your seeing and drawing (since drawing and seeing are connected very closely). I think a combination of drawings made from real objects and drawings done from your immagination is perfect. Train your eyes by looking closely and train your vision by imagining and drawing things over and over again. I know many people really hate to draw from real life because it may seem pointless sometimes and can be quite frustrating since it's a lot more difficult than drawing from a photo. But it really pays off!
And the best advice of all is to draw on a regular basis. I know this sound really simple but discipline is the key to improving. I think drawing is really difficult to teach and has a lot to do with personal experience. Just draw as much as you can. Every day would be perfect but once or twice a week for one hour or so will also help improving a lot for sure.
I'd also like to recommend the book 'Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain' from Betty Edwards. This book has some extremely good exercises that helped me a lot to understand the basics of drawing much better and I made this exercises just a year ago or so. It's really helpful even if you aren't a beginner anymore!
I hope I could give you some helpful advices. If there's anything specific you'd like some advice for just say it. :)
Reply
:iconjennytang2038:
JennyTang2038 Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2016  Student General Artist
Wow that's a super long reply! Can't say how much I appreciate it QwQ~ 

Drawing from life! Yes, I have heard my art teacher mentioning that too. You are totally right about the referencing-from-photography-because-it's-less-frustrating" XD, I will start doing those studies soon. Drawing a lot is definitely going to help too, just keep practicing!

I will definitely check out the book you recommended too, just added it to my Goodreads to-read list. Even though I'm taking classes right now I am still actually mostly self-taught so I totally understand how books might be beneficial to anyone >w<. 

That was definitely helpful and thanks again for writing it. Thank you also for the compliments :3 and good luck to you in your studying at school!
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:iconceresta:
Ceresta Featured By Owner Jul 31, 2016  Student
I'm glad I could be helpful to someone!
I found this book a lot more useful than every art class I have taken while I was still in school.
Good luck for you too, just keep practicing. ;)
Reply
(1 Reply)
:icongreyssonne:
GreysSonne Featured By Owner Aug 16, 2015  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Nice)
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:iconclockworktheatre:
clockworktheatre Featured By Owner Jul 27, 2015  Professional General Artist
Wow this is amazing I love how surreal and emotional your work is :)
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:iconceresta:
Ceresta Featured By Owner Aug 1, 2015  Student
Thank you very much! :heart:
Reply
:iconmanwiththestreak:
ManwiththeStreak Featured By Owner Jun 27, 2015  Student Artist
It's more or less me right here, only that i like to draw a lil more than hate it but still.
Reply
:iconmytaintedhearts:
it's exactly how i feel...

perfect
Reply
:iconceresta:
Ceresta Featured By Owner Jun 28, 2015  Student
Thank you. I'm still astounded how many people actually feel like this...
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:iconticktocksaidthehorse:
TickTockSaidTheHorse Featured By Owner Mar 23, 2015  Student General Artist
I feel ya xD
Reply
:iconparanormoid:
ParaNormoid Featured By Owner Mar 21, 2015
That's one way to put your emotions and deep feelings about something that has taken over you. It's hard when you're fighting something in your mind, but to extract it out of there for a moment and express it on a paper, while going through it is simply astonishing!!
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Submitted on
August 1, 2014
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Aug 1, 2014, 3:55:59 PM
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